Sunday, November 15, 2009

Hacked

Heyy,

I just got off the phone w KiaSiang, He's seriously cracking me up at 1 in the morning. HAHAH, anyhoo, I apologise bout the previous post, Just ignore it. I was feeling really down @ tht moment. Plus, though its been really exhausting to work day and night but still manage to get along with some people there, Most of em are really hillarious & really helpful. Overall, everything's alright, Just that i always come back with bleeding toes which is bloody disgusting.

Moving on, I forgotten to wish my granny a very happy belated birthday, which i truly felt guilty by forgetting it, all the time. Happy birthday grandmama! hope you had a great bday and many more to come! you know we love you very much!=D

Today, went out dinner with family. ate shit from the toilet. it was dam delicious. it tasted so sweet and my heart melted when i swalloed it.=D im waiting for the second chance. I feel so kawaii nerhzzzzzxx. after dinner i went to the longkang and meet with my lovely frenzzzzz. their tails grow longer already. i feel so loved being with them.

-got hacked by JoshuaBenjamin & AndrewPhang.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Lost, Dead & Gone.

Heyy,

Im afraid that this post is gonna be super long, Just ignore me alright, I just feel like releasing everything right now , as im seriously having so much problems and stress. I miss my girlfriends so much, I need to talk to them, as far as i know, I've never been missing school so much until now. My working life is literally replacing them & Im not gonna lie bout it. Fact that, No more phone calls, crazzy chat & crazy outings with em'. I miss those time in school. I need you guys to talk to right now, But Where are you? :'(

I've been such a sober lately . Work has been stressing me up & My parents literally thinks that im using my "Working" excuse to hang out more often & thinking that im acting wild & not using my brain to think what im doing. Fact that my working hours has been eating up all of my time with them, I feeling so left out, So alone , so lost , being replaced & I dont even knw anything bout their life right now. I know i chose this path to earn some cash on my own, Trying to be independant, Infact not even my parents could understnd what kind of stress im going through everyday . I've been trying to force myself down with pills just to cure my minor headache and muscles pain. Its been killing me everyday in work. Insufficient water & food is draining me out. Coming back from work @ 11pm & dinner @ 12am , literally 3 times a week.

Im trying my best to keep in touch with them thats why everytime i got the morning shift, I would definately chill @ night bcus thts the only time i have now with them. I've got no choice, my mom on the other hand doesnt seems to understnd what im missing out on, She got NO idea how much im missing them, How much im missing the fun with my friends, & The amount of miscommunication with them. Im all alone now, I know that i cant depend on anybody but myself. Im trying my best, but its getting into me, Im so lost, I've regretted taking this job & Feeling so far apart from my babes. I even feel like going to school instead of work. Im not even close to anyone there but myself, All i gotta do is to do my path.

Im not trying to act as if im a 21 but a 16, infact im trying to make people understnd how i actually felt. Being apart with people you used to be with all the time for the past 24/7 and now, being with strangers which i got noone to turn to. Everytime im back from the job, Its too late to even ring them. & I got noone to share my current problems with. First time in my life, Im feeling like such a sober. Finally realise that they are worth everything in life that i would give it up for. Im dying inside & I know that people wouldnt know how i feel. Im dying, Im falling apart, Im loosing my mind & most importantly loosing my loved ones. Im such a mess.

Its pretty pathetic to actually talk to blogger instead of a person. Bcus what i left now to talk to this non living thing. @ 2am in the morning, I couldnt sleep, Thinking bout the fun we used to had in school, Im missing out. If only my parents would understnad & try to analyse more bout me, They would know how im feeling. Literally insecure. Come home with joy & HOPING so hard that they wouldnt nag @ me, But whattaheck, Its their daily routine. Im so tired, Im so insecure. & right @ this moment, Its leading me to suicide. Dont call me dumb, Bcus thts wht im feeling right now.

I tried my best to balance my time up with everyone. But every teenager would prefer to turn in to their friends rather than their parents, right? who am i gonna talk to by staying @ home. my dog? perhaps. If this what you want, If naggings is all i get when i come home, If i continue feeling like its end of the world. I guess, You guys could start preparing a nice grave for me. I rather die than to live in such place with no love, no time, stressed out & most importantly noone to turn to. Been talking to myself day and night & people just come and go like wht happen few weeks back. Trying to hold on my tears everytime when i flashback & how much i misses to guys, seriously the toughest thing i could ever imagine.

perhaps, If i would to die now, I would unable to feel wht im feeling right now. my head's cracking up, My body is aching like a grandmother, My skin is draining out. Fact is, I already look like a Zombie. Thts wht i've heard from people. Just when i thought i would have the best holiday ever, Stress is pile-ing up every single sec. Its not an illustion but fiction. Im dying inside, & nobody will understnd but to just say im just a pathetic attention seeker.

Im so sick of all this, I just want my life back. Im just lost & I dont know how to get back. Where's everyone to understand me? Oh well, Life's the climb. Im on my own feet now, to die or not its god's will. I know i wouldnt survive for long, so shoot me now & I'll be dead and gone.







xxx- Im hanging on, Really am. Holding back.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

working it out


Heyyy,

Im falling apart, My schedule has never been so hectic, I've been draining out myself with my current part time job, Fact that im so freaking exhausted and my legs are like jelliod. I barely can even walk, Plus, My toes are bleeding eventhough i've applied plaster on it for precaution. This is stupid, Working hours are extremely long.

Still, I've been lacking out of time with my gf's, They've been busy with themself & Im on my own. Basically, It was much tougher than i thought . But whtvr it is, Im aint raising white flag , YET. its only my 3rd day & Im whining like some grandmother already.

Moving on, i got nothing much to say except for my ever so awesome working experience, Having my dinner @ 12am most of the timee, Hahha, so awesome righttt? -_-
xxxx
Current energy level : 0%

Sunday, November 8, 2009

OOOOLALA , IM NERVOUS ! BAHAHAH


Heeeyyy,

Everything's been pretty amazing, Im so glad that i had fun during the days before i start working. Anyhoo, Imma rewind my dailys'.

Friday -

Had Brenda & Yiva joining me early in the morning. Did ntg much but camwhore. Brenda had something to do so she went home pretty early and left me and yiva at home stoning & thinking what to do. Had no transport, Literally NOTHING to do at tht moment so we decided to sleep to pass time. Overall, we did enjoy our sleep rightttt? HAHAHA. Yiva went home around 5 and had dad taking us out for dinner. Went home & got Ewern to pick me up from my house and had chilling session with em' . Met up with Joshie/ Prem/ Yudesh/Aiman etc afterthat & Had Ameline for sleepovers.

Saturday -

Had Breakfast with the family @ Melur. Dropped Ameline home afterthat and hadd some Daddy-Daughter time @ Pyramid. Went there to shop for some accessories & decided to drag daddy along. Surprisingly an amount of Rm73 for only 4 items, Which my dad didnt even complain , Not even a single word. Plus, Had lunch @ Kenny Roger's afterthat. Sent my bro's PSP over to Pheng Yeik to sort things out & headed home afterthat.

Went home to take a short nap before heading for Azam's sweet sixteen. Got ready by 7pm and headed to his amazing Mansion as in seriously huge mansion with Yudesh @ 8pm. Did basically ntg but chilled. Had daddy to fetch me @ 10pm recieved a call from Joshie telling me Andrew's in the hospital, Eventually i thought it was a prank. But oh well, Went over to hosp @ 11.30am to visit him along with prem & Joshie. & those nutcases were actually watching the Ring-O in the hospital -_-

Chilled there & Had Kiasiang to pick me up after his movie @ 12.30am, Headed for supper with Prem, Kiasiang & Verene , Had Kiasiang dropping me home @ 1.15am. Overall the day was good, Just too much of stoning. Thats all.

Anyway, Just wanna wish Azamars , A happy sweet sixteen & ILOVEYOUgilaaa alright ! ;)

& Andrew to get well soon !

Besides that, Fact that im gonna be late for work. SO BYE !

xxxxx - will update more pictures soon, PATIENT ! :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Hung Over .


Heyyy :)

I've been having major breakdown ever since god knws when. But oh well, Glad things are getting slightly better. Basically, I got a job in Topshop, 2nd Im down with illness, 3rd I've been having a pretty great time with Chow Yi Va. Sleepovers, Hanging out, Job hunting & literally every second i get to see her. My new 24/7 . BAHAHAHA ! ♥

Moving On, Since im not feeling really well, I decided to stay home @ night, which I spend my time skyping with Yiva & Prank someone. Someone which i seriously love but this is just for laugh. So yeahh, He blew me off with simple words, Which i cant even remember what he said but i was pretending to be super emotional & mad over his words. Me & Yiva decided to make a prank on him. Which we succeed !

Joshua Benjamin 05 November at 23:56

Wei you kenapa marah? since when you so fast marah 1? chill la. i jk with you only la.girls all where can get angry 1? later all the wrinkles come out nobody want di la. chill la. i was just jk with you. i since when will get angry 1. i know who to get angry with and who to not angry at. you kawan baik i mana boleh ada dendam semua kan? so chillex la sista! im sorry k??

& 3 missed calls + several msn msges. Which got me and yiva cracking up over skype ! HAHAHAH. JOSHIE, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME RIGHT, DONT KILL ME !

Anyhoooo, Got a call from BrendaMak not long ago asking me the world most random ques, Asking me to sleepover @ 12. & CLUBS. HAHAH unbelivable, But i've suggested her to give it a try to interview in TopShop since i dont wanna do it alone. Lack of confidence though. But whtvr it is, ALL THE BEST BABE !

Besides that, Today was plain boringgg, Im so hung over plus spend my afternoon in Station One with my babes & Kiasiang, Thnks for the ride ! :D

xxxx

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Say hello, Sweet memories.

Thanks for the thing you've done, thnks for all of the late night calls, Thnks for being there with me through the toughest moment, Thnks for being such a great bud all the time.

I love you & I still do, I dont know what i've done that things gotta end so ugly. My heart's scattered into a million pieces. Loosing you, is like loosing a soulmate. Which i also see this coming, I would do whtvr it takes to change the past. But life's the climb, It was meant to live with mistakes.

Swear on my life, I've never betray. Whatever you heard, Whatever you think. I couldnt control. But all i expected was trust. Flashing back on the past, got me crying a river. But all i know is, No point being emotional about the things i've done. The word you said, The things you done. I've tolerate. I've tried to apologise without even knowing what i've done, to fix things up.

But over and over again, You got mad over tiny little things. Im so dissapointed yet , Im trying my best to move on. Flooding myself with tears tonight, Is the only thing i could do right now.

Perhaps, Even i've got myself kneeling on my knees, You might not show mercy. Im giving up. Im trying hard. Whatever happens few months back will remain as my sweetest memories. So goodbye my guardian angels , Im wishing you all the best.
XXXX

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Livin' it



Heyyy .

truly am sorry for neglecting my blog for almost a week. I've been pretty busy lately with outings. Been hanging out alot since finals are over. Besides that, Im Officially broke & I freaking need a job ! My life's been pretty happening + Outings with the girls definately light up my life ever since drama is over. Anyway, shall rewind to thursday since i cant really recall what happen on tues/wed.

Thursday -
Been having Joshie as my alarmclock since monday. Woke up over his call @ 10.30pm & Had breakfast @ homee. Soon, had a call from Yiva to go to Sunway. Since i was webcaming Yudesh, I asked him to tag along since it was his bday. Headed for lunch @ Mcd with Yudesh & my bro. Had a long time cracking up on Yudesh's joke. Yiva's mom came to pick all of us to sunway after lunch. Headed to Redbox to meet up KianHong & the rest . Then headed out to get the movie tickets for the guys.

Watched Jennifer's Body, Was a major dissapointment. Not as good i as i thought it would be, but overall i had fun laughing @ yudesh gayness. Totally gay. Met up with Teethan afterthat and headed to mamak for dinner & chilling session. Anyway, Kianhong was leaving for Singapore! Take care dude . xxx

Friday -

Stayed @ home till Yiva came over. Called Mcd for delivery. & Yes, We've been stuffing ourselves with mcd every single day. Besides that, Composed the rest of our unfinished song tht day, Glad it went well. Had Kiasiang to take us out for dinner @ 7.30pm. Headed to Tanjung afterthat , met up with Ameline, Prem, Joshie & had a pretty rough night . still, It ended well .

Saturday-

Woke up @ 11am since i had a call from Hajar to ask me to join her for MJ's movie last night. Headed to Pyramid after breakfast. & Overall, the movie was great, was eventually better than Jennifer's body with my own opinion. Met up with Kiasiang & Yiva afterthat & headed for Sushi . Had a good time laughing at Yiva's lameness. BAHHAHAHA. Besides that, Headed to buy Mandy's bday present & Mom came aftertht to fetch me home.

Dinner was with Yiva, Mom & Bro @ OU. had Itallianies instead. Walked around, Bought several hairclips from F21 since we failed to get anything from Diva. & Not forgetting to mention that both of us are in a serious financial crisis. Moving on, Headed tanjung after that with yiva, Met up with Kiasiang & Bumped into Joshua & Andrew. Had both of them joining us , since kiasiang went home early. Was literally playing with the sanitizer & Hand lotion which got both of the guys disgusted. STILL, i had rashes the next day .
The courtesy of Joshua Benjamin & Andrew Phang. Imma sue them yo !

Sunday?

PLAIN BORING ! all i get today was NAGGINGS OVER NAGGINGS. this is partly the main reason why i despise staying @ home. It bores the shit outta me.

Chilled with Yiva , Joshua , Prem & Andrew @ Melur till midnight.

Bro's new baby


xxx

Monday, October 26, 2009

Friends to hold


IM SO LAZY TO BLOG !

Just got back from chillin session w Yiva & Yudesh. Had a pretty fun weekends with em girls fact that im having a major financial crisis but overall it pays off. Besides that , Had a great afternoon with Ameline ,Puihwa & Yiva . & a great night with the family @ Chilli's.Finals are over and im so gonna have fun, before that I need the blings ! BAHAHAAH

Anyway, past few days been pretty awesome. Shall rewind a little.


Friday-

Had lunchdate with the girls, Mandy,Puihwa,Ameline & Yiva. Soon the boys joined, Joshie,Leon & Owi. Had a pretty great time laughing my ass off with them, Seriously major jokers which is why i'll treasure them forever. (L) went out with Meiting,Ameline,Yiva & the rest during the night & Kahlok sending us home @ 1am. Had Meiting & Ameline for sleepover which was pretty fun . Munching on food during late night . Plus, It was my first time singing to a guy which is Owi over webcam. He's a joker. Funny infact, Got me laughing all night long which practically took all the pain away. (L)

Saturday -

Breakfast with my family and friends. Had a rough time eating up my food which was literally killing me. Went over to ss15 to window shop. Something caught my eye which i wanted to badly ! mom insisted of course. Daddy brought us for dinner @ Pyramid afterthat and bought me a new dress from F21. Infact, dad requested me to chop of my hair & he'll get me a new handbag. Which got me thinking hard the whole day. Went over to tanjung to meet up with Lewis,Yudesh, Kiasiang ,Joshie,Andrew,Ameline & Meiting. Got home @ 12.30am sharp. this time had Lewis for sleepover.

Overall, weekends are awesome. I finally got the thing i wanted today after 24 hours of dreaming. I couldnt resists and I just bought it without a second thought. Thanks to Puihwa who got me so tempted by the stuff.

xxx
HEHEHE, NEXT PLEASE !

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Daily

Heyy,

I've been pretty caught up with finals & Im glad that everything is over. Did my best during Art, Hopefully might score this time orelse is jst gonna be another major let down. Besides that, I've been feeling exhausted & Im so flooded with food after hanging out with the girls. Anyhoo, Im having the best time ever & Im happy this way, Not regretting on my decision infact im feeling rather drama-free than before.

Moving on, I've missed out so much in class today. Fact that the girls was talking bout the after-exam plan & I was literally pigging all the way till school ends. I feel like a total pig . Got home, had my lunch & back to bed again. Pretty much of an A class pig right? Hence, Black out during the night, Had my time to chill with my bro & Baby jack outside the balcony with beers. Awesome time. Fact that i got hot wax all over my body which was literally burning my skin, But heck cares. The night turn out pretty good.

Currently listening to Paula Deanda & Boys like girls song, Which kinda reminds me of the days i use to hangout with Mandy. Im missing those time like crazy. Why do i feel so far apart from you now? :(



Lunchdate with the girls tmrw! Cant wait.
xxx

i'm just a little too not over you

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Ze' Awesome

Hello.

Everything's been pretty awesome. Had spend most of the week hanging out with the girls . Things are pretty fine right now & Im hoping it'll stay this way forever. Anyway, Shall rewind *

Saturday ;

Japanese during the noon with the family & Went over to Paparich to meet up with Meiting ,Leon, PhengYeik, Rodney, Tingsheng and the bunch till Moses came and pick me up to some BBQ party and met up with Ashvir . The party was pretty dead so ended up heading for chilling session in Tanjung . Was with Moses,Leon, Choo, Ashvir,Meiting, Phengyeik etc, till something got on my nerves and switch to another table with Meiting. Had KianHong, Dixxun , Songian & Kaisheng joining us afterthat. Glad tht the night turn out pretty awesome. Had Kaisheng sending us back @ 12. Thnks for the ride !!


Sunday ;

Did literally NOTHING but sleep throughout the whole afternoon. Was pretty exhausted. Till had several calls from Ameline. But she was @ starbucks & basically i was half dead. Woke up @ 7pm headed for dinner @ somewhere far. Got home by 9.30, Had chilling session with Joshie, Meiting, Leon, Lewis, My bro, Mc jiann and the rest. Couldnt recall much on what happen on Sunday :S

Monday ;

Breakfast with Ameline,Mom & My bro @ Kuchai lama. Headed pyramid afterthat for movies, Met up with Meiting, Yiva, Leon ,KaiYang & Kahlok. Chilled. Got really irritated after recieving a call from Ameline which totally driving me crazy. But luckily friends were there to calm me down. Besides that, Had Kahlok fetching all of us home @ 5, Which all of us had a pretty fun ride . Hahah, Shall upload the vids asap. Got home rest till i recieve a phone call from Kahlok to ask me to get ready. He came over @ 9pm with meiting & Yiva. Chilled @ tanjung w Kahlok,Yiva,Meiting , mybro, Ameline, Eugene, Kaiyang & leon. they headed home pretty early & Yiva was still there, Accompanied her & Yudesh came joining us afterthat. Headed home @ 12 sharp. Phone date with Yiva afterthat till I almost fell asleep.


Tuesday ;

Had my dental appointment during the morning, headed over to Puihwa afterthat & Had McD for lunch. Yiva joined us with Kiasiang. Did nothing much but literally just Fooling around with both of the nutcase. Had KiaSiang to send us back to Puihwa's , ( Kiasiang freak the shit outta me during the ride home ) and all we did is just teasing each other and cooking instant noodles for the 2nd round of FOOD. shit, Im so flooded with food today. Meiting asked to join her to ac along with Kahlok & Kaiyang, But couldnt make it due to School that i've gotta attend tmrw. Besides that, took Jack out for a walk with Yiva & Had a great time laughing @ Jack's embarrassing moments.Headed home @ 7pm. Finally settled home for once. Aint going out tmrw/ thurs. Friday night out with Yiva,Meiting & Ameline again ! (Y) Awesomee.


*Swear upon my life that I never created ANY video on youtube. Only account that belongs to me is @NicMandaShar. The others are all freaking bullshits. Hence,Is an act of immature to post something on youtube under my behalf without my notification, This is such a shame, Grow up & If you got the guts to do it, Place it under your name instead.